Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Vent or is it a Rant?

No crafts today, but I am diligently, row by row, crocheting one boy's hat/beanie with a variegated brown/green yarn that is turning out to look like camo, which I am pretty happy about and of course my cotton dish cloths. Row by row, slowly but surely.

So, today I have a rant that I am not going to post on Facebook. Ah, I just don't want to. And, since it seems like maybe the same 11 people might read my blog although I'm not going to share it on Google +, so maybe no one will read it! It's like a secret diary entry...

F had his preschool Halloween party today which was very nice. I took the girls and dressed them up in their dresses: one a cowgirl and one Alice in Wonderland, the only 2T's that I saw at the discount store. I even wore my Halloween t-shirt and all black to be festive for the occasion. After the songs and performance, we were all welcomed to have cookies and juice. I don't give the girls juice, but they don't know the difference as water bottles are their fancy, which I hate because I know amongst other stresses of looking after 3 children at a party, I'm going to have messes to clean up. Oh, and I brought their straw cups which they wanted nothing to do with once they saw the water bottles. So, I gave in and had one water bottle, thankfully small, that little O and little P could share. Well at one point, little P didn't want to share anymore so I started to talk to them about sharing and taking turns but P was having none of it and O was getting upset. As I look up from all of this, across the table, is this dad looking at us with a "why the hell are you having them share a water bottle?" look. I'm not sure if this was his thought, but he definitely had a disapproving, disagreeing look on his face something like this:

And, when he saw me look at him, he actually had to shake his head as if to wake himself up. Apparently, we had captivated him with our 21 month old twin drama. So, because this is me, sensitive me, this has bothered me all day long. This has upset me. A smart person would go on with life and be like "that guy doesn't know what goes on over here...by the way, does he have twins or even 4 kids at all?" Nope he doesn't. He has a four year old and a baby at home, which was with mom at the time. But, me, sensitive me, is hurt by this because I think that someone out there thinks that I am not doing a good job raising my kids BECAUSE I MAKE THEM SHARE A WATER BOTTLE. I tried in the past keeping everything separate for germ sake, but just can't keep up with it. We all get the same germs around here anyhow no matter how hard we try. And, sometimes someone might not. So, I try not to worry about it. Besides, they were in the same womb. How stupid...And, why oh why am I trying to justify this?

There was another incident too from another dad again, maybe dads are just clueless and I should just take that as a clue and move on, but I can't right now. And, I shouldn't be picking on dads. I guess people don't really know how many fires I put out a day or how many messes I have to clean up just to get people to eat food so that they can gain weight and have proper nutrition. It's stressful enough just to feed people in this house. I really don't need others judging me. And, I don't have time to cater to everyone's whims and wants. They need to learn to tough it out at times, like eating certain ways or drinking certain ways when the occasion hits.

Now, don't get me wrong. I used to be clueless before I had kids too and I would think ALL THE TIME what is wrong with all these parents? And, then you, yourself, have kids and issues and behaviors that you never dreamed would happen to you in your life and then you get it. You get it! And, then you empathize as best you can. It's not easy, don't get me wrong. In fact, its super hard! And to empathize with Dad #1 gawking at me disapprovingly, I accidentally stare at people sometimes too. I don't even know I'm doing it, but when they look at me and catch me, instead of looking away, I try to smile. Kind of a sign like I'm not judging you, I don't have any bad thoughts about anything I just saw. I'm empathizing with you. I certainly don't shake my head as if to wake myself up from some sort of stunned state.

So, today I felt like a bad mommy. I forgot to pack B's school clothes today too, so he had to wear gym clothes all day. Last week, we forgot he had library on Wednesday. When there is a holiday on Monday, I usually forget about that too and send him to school prepared for a Monday instead of a Tuesday. I basically wrote his little presentation for him which is due tomorrow, we argued about commas and periods, and book reports and sentences. He's 6! And, then I broke down and cried and after awhile, he stopped arguing and finished his book report, while I tried to make dinner, with 2 kids coloring and dumping crayons and asking to be picked up, while chopping vegetables and cooking.

I guess the moral of the story is try to smile and empathize instead of looking at others like the example provided above. Godspeed!