Thursday, March 6, 2014

Postpartum Twin Belly

After reading my last post when I announced I was having twins, I laughed out loud at the proclamation that I would finish those roman shades by 2013. It is now 2014 and I haven't gotten anywhere closer to completing them. I have now moved on to more important things, like Lent. Getting back into having a relationship with God is important to me. When I had one, I felt more at peace, more calm. I feel like for a long time now, since having the kids that I've lost that somehow and life has been stressful and pretty awful. I've yelled a lot. I've yelled so loud that I thought I would pass out. I am working on it and try not to yell and if I catch myself I try to tone it down. It's a hard life when you're told over and over that you are not liked, that you are a bad mommy, and other random tantrum nonsense. But, it's hard to remember that it is nonsense and truth be told it hurts me badly and makes me sad and yes, weepy. Sorry, can't help it. I do take it personal. I always thought I would be a great mom and here I am being told that I am not. Rarely am I ever complemented on anything. It's the hardest job that I've ever had. I am holding on to the moments I have with the girls because they are so sweet at this age and love me no matter what. I sadly think of the future and hope that it will continue with them.

There they are on their first birthday party day. My sweet girls.


So, back to Lent and getting closer to God amongst other things. Lent always seems like a good time to clean house, literally and figuratively. So, I've been praying the Morning Offering and trying to incorporate it into daily life because I can't do this alone. I need help. Second, I gave up Facebook. Boy, I would waste so much time over there and probably half the time would feel like I wasn't living up to everyone else's seemingly perfect life that is displayed. It's like a magazine over there sometimes, which is one of the reasons I stopped reading magazines. It just made me feel bad about myself. Third, I gave up desert, which I usually love and hope that it will help me get rid of this belly that I've had now for over a year. Fourth, I just decided to forego my night snack now too. I don't need it. I'm 40 afterall and I still look like I'm 3-4 months pregnant. What else...I've decided to start at least 20 minutes of yoga or pilates at home daily. And, if this weather ever warms, I'd like to start running 20-30 minutes three times a week. On those days, I probably won't do yoga/pilates just because of time constraints. I wish I had the time, but just don't.

I think I was kind of in shock, maybe disappointed when I tried on my new Land's End one piece with tummy control and still had a gut. That was my slap in the face. I look decent in clothes; it's the bathing suit that brought me back to reality. And, having my husband take the before picture which was taken today, is real. I am totally relaxed, not sucking anything in. My waist, measured about an inch below my belly button was 35.5 inches. I used to be a 28. I'm not so worried about my skin, a little bit of sag, some stretch marks, I'm not sure what happened to my belly button...it will all never look the same unless I got plastic surgery. In fact, in doing some google searches, pretty much everyone is telling me there is no way to lose that belly because my abdominal muscles are split from the pregnancy. Now, I'm certain they were split after my second birth, not sure about the first, but I got back into shape pretty good with running and even wore the same bikini I wore on my honeymoon and looked pretty good.

About 13.5 months twins post partum. I'm challenging that the only solution is plastic surgery.
So, here is my experiment:

I am going to try to work at losing this belly. Oh, by the way, I weigh about 125 or so. I'd like to lose at least 5 pounds, but I'd like to lose about 5 inches from my waistline too. For some reason, I don't believe that the only answer is plastic surgery. I may still have a bit of a belly and I am ok with that, but what I've got going on now, is not ok with me. My posture is terrible from holding the girls and trying to make dinner or do whatever needs to be done. Nursing gave me terrible posture too and the girls still are not weaned. And, my mom and sister do not have good posture. I want to improve my posture, strengthen my core, and lose 5 or 5.5 inches. Maybe it won't work. But, it's got to help. I'm going to try to document my progress here and take a picture, maybe monthly. So, even after Lent, I'm hoping to keep up my good habits!